CM Punk decided to respond to John Cena’s pipe bomb from last week by taking a page out of the old John Cena: using basic thuganomics, or as he put it, basic Punkanomics.
Punk came out to the ring with John Cena’s old rap theme song, wearing jorts, a baseball shirt, a baseball cap sideways, and large chain around his neck, and knux that read “Drug Free.”
CM Punk then dropped his promo, all rhyming:
Yo, check it! This is Basic Punkanomics.
Don’t adjust your television set, your eyes are working just right. This clown plagiarised my pipebomb so now I’m stealing Word Life.
You had to rip me off to cut your best promo, just to distract from the fact that we all see you move in slo-mo.
Remember when he used to rap? You deserve all the criticism, you’re like a Temu Macklemore with Mackle-less rhythm.
He said I’m a problem, he called me a player hater, let’s be honest, John Cena’s buried more talent than the Undertaker.
That’s why he’s the champ and went and lost all his respects, but John I get it, I’d retire too if this place rehired my ex.
If you never said your prayers, ate your vitamins or fixed your bald spot, you wouldn’t be a pro wrestler, you’d be a Boston Mall Cop.
But hey, he gets good movie roles that much is a fact, and then you see Batista act and you realize John ain’t that.
Same shirt, same hat, man your persona stayed tragic. You’re like a fish bellied white Hulk Hogan but somehow more problematic.
Yo, when it comes to Best in the World, I’m your vessel, because millions chant my name and at you they chant ‘you can’t wrestle’.
Get it in while you can in six months he’ll be gone, I’ll still be here having fun, he won’t have time for you little people anymore, he’ll be busy washing underwear for James Gunn.
He’s a superhero now, he works for DC, but no matter how hard you try, you’ll always be the Marine to me. And that’s straight to DVD, better find a PS3, I now understand ‘you can’t see me’.
It’s a hell of a catchphrase John, but now it’s done, because we all see you and we’re looking at a washed up bum.
14 years ago today, I dropped the legendary pipebomb, and you tried to make it all about you because that’s what you do John, you’re a leech, you’re a phony, you’re a fraud, you’re an ass kiss. 17 time champion but you ain’t ever been on my class.
Before you go John, there’s one more wish to make, tomorrow night you’re gonna lose to Kendrick because bitch, you’re my Drake!
Colin Vassallo has been editor of Wrestling-Online since 1996